Did You Say - Sports?

As my loyal readership knows fairly well, I do not often write about sports. Sidebar, when I used the words "loyal" I meant that loosely and without an assumption that if you had not received half your DNA from this source that you might still be loyal. I guess it is not because I do not feel qualified which for the most part I am not. I follow sports casually.

I am not one of those sports fanatics that takes fifteen minutes every half hour to check what is new on ESPN. Only recently have I begun to understand the fascination with fantasy sports.

Fantasy sports are there for the individuals who have (1) a need for a regular infusion of sports information, (2) dream of what might be if they were only in charge, (3) can not understand that what they are watching is "team sports" ... your receiver gets points for catching a a pass without regard to the quarterback throwing the ball or the other receivers taking defenders off your back or the running back without honor to the line front opening the holes to make him look good, you do choose an entire defense so I guess fantasy people are not total fools. Now baseball fantasy is a little better as far as giving credit for hitting but that is about it. Basketball fantasy only enhances the problem with basketball in that it has become a one-on-one sport and moved away from the "team concept" except of course if you want to win championships ... sorry Kobe and LeBron ... you need help.

Well, what was the issue?

Oh yeah, in yesterday's Florida Sun Sentinel sports section, the banner headline was "Dolphin Analysis - MidSeason Report". Now for those of you who can not remember last year, I understand your attention span and memory capacity is ... well it is but of course you do remember every sports statistic for the past two seasons ... the Dolphins went 1-15. Nothing to say, they sucked the onion. Well, what makes sports so wonderful is that after the Super Bowl that was ancient history except for sports writers and people who spend their entire life living in the past. Every article about the Dolphins begins with "as compared to last year".

Now a sidebar ... this year's team has a new coaching staff, new quarterback and of the 45 men on the active roster ... around 35 of them were not here last year. So, what does your analysis tell you about that? Simple, this is not last year's team and any comparison is ... well worthless, meaningless and a waste of time and yet ... it is in every article.

So, yesterday's story. It works best if I quote the opening to show that I am not making it up.

"The Dolphins' renovation project is right on track, according to General Manager Jeff Ireland. "This whole staff, this regime, we're used to winning, and we really don't accept anything less than that", Ireland said. "It's what we want to live by." The Dolphins are on the upswing after two straight victories, though the overall performance has been inconsistent. Still, there are plenty of signs that the Dolphins are headed in the right direction. "

I am concerned about the Dolphins following the AZ rules of proper fan conduct. You can only be a fan of the team in your home town. So, yes I still root and cry for Green Bay, I still get excited about the Celtics (I adopted them as my basketball team back in the stone age of high school because Chicago did not have a team) and I still hate the Bears (but as I have said Hashem got his revenge on that issue).

Fact: The Dolphins are 4-4 so far. One of their wins can be directly attributed to using college offensive tactics which confused the NFL tacticians and players because they thought that was against the rules. I mean who would think that after playing college for four years that any of it would be relevant when you turned pro. But, now its not a surprise any more so it is a non factor.

What is my point? Yes, what was my point?

How do you tell that a renovation project is on track? I guess it depends on how much track you need to lay before you can tell you are going in the right direction. Eight games? I guess if compared to last year you are now three wins ahead ... progress - check.

"We're used to winning"? You lost your two opening games, won two in a row, lost two in a row and now have won the last two. How are you used to winning any more than you are used to loosing ... you are 4-4 and seem to be capable of strings of 2 in either direction.

"we really don't accept anything less than that" ... I guess if your being paid millions of dollars to play that there might not be any other option than winning if you want to continue to collect your millions. If you really believed that winning was the only result acceptable you would pay your players on a contingency basis. Base salary, $200,000 ... winning season ... $1,000,000, play-off berth ... $2,500,000 ... Super Bowl ... $4,000,000. Team sport ... live or die by the team. Okay, we will throw in some individual performance bonuses but they will be more than "did you show up on time for the game".

"there are plenty of signs that the Dolphins are headed in the right direction." ... yes we changed out 80% of the team ... that allowed for a change of direction ... they have a quarterback with limited ability who can throw the ball to a receiver who has the potential to catch the ball, the coaching staff can think out of the box at least once, they have increased their wins by 300% ...

I guess the bottom line is that when you actually read the sports section, sports writers do have an advantage over political writers ... each week the sports guys give their team a written grade. Rarely does the political pages give their targets a written grade and when they do it based more on opinion than fact. You are supposed to be reporting the facts on politics but sports you are supposed to give opinion.

I was thinking of creating a new fantasy sport ... POLITICS THE FANTASY ... draft your legislators (you can not draft the President).

You will get points for

• committee appointments, more points for chairing a meeting less but some for attending, bonus points for staying awake, more points if it is a full committee, less if it is a subcommittee, points depending upon the prestige of the witness called,
  
• bills sponsored, extra points if it actually becomes a law bonus points if it gets vetoed and extra points if you can get the veto overridden
  
• appearances on the weekly news channels, more points for national less for local, points for where in the newspaper or magazine your name appears, more points if you are quoted than if you are only mentioned,
  
• points for op-ed pieces again more points for national less for local,
  
• points for writing another autobiography depending upon where it ends up on the best seller list,
  
• points for appearances on the Daily Show or the Colbert Report,
  
• bonus points for writing a non fiction book,
  
• points for appearing on a normal TV show more if it is a top ten series, more if it is 24 or Heroes but the most points for Prison Break (especially if it is your prison break that is the subject of the episode) or Lost.

The season would run the calendar year. Less points for things happening when Congress is not in session which is about four months of the year.

The Draft will take place soon.