Sunday, November 30, 2008
There is the sound of the dog slubbering. There is sound of the dishwasher churning cleaning the weekend dishes. The washing machine is cleansing the mountain of towels used these last four days. The TV is going and yet there is quiet.
How can that be?
There is no one home except of course the person being me writing these words.
So, how can it be ... that the quiet is strange.
It should be quiet. I have been home alone before and it was not strange.
Why this time?
One wife, four sons, one daughter-in-law ... and one grandson. They were here and now there gone. Not gone like no longer no this planet. They are still of this plane of existence, just not physically here.
There was a time, when the rumor was that I cherished these moments. A certain individual used to comment that I was happiest at these moments. It might have seemed like that to an outsider, to someone that was projecting what it might have appeared from a different angle. It was not true.
But this time, it is clear ... the silence is different this time.
From Wednesday night to Sunday morning there were sounds ... voices, discussion, arguing, baby crying, baby laughing, camera flashing ... refigerator door opening, closing, opening, chewing and more chewing ... lots of food being take from packages to plates to mouth. And now, now of that ... quiet.
They are gone and it is quiet and I do not like it.
It should be loud and clear ... I want them here and I want them back. I do not like or want the quiet.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Funniest stuff is still science, of course now that we have five minutes between elections. I mean what could be funnier than a bunch of people making stuff up based upon tests that they devise to prove what they want so they can get the scientists at the FDA to say ... yeah, that sounds good ... go make another billion and we will call our friends over at Medicare to help pay for it because it just sounds so good what with that test and all. Was that a sentence?
Well, Time Magazine's recent issue ... is Time too liberal for you? ... had Medicine and Health Care as its central theme. I capitalize Medicine and Health Care because people realize that they are a mystery. There is a myth, well I believe it is a myth, that if you take proper care of yourself, eat right, exercise regularly ... you will live longer. Seems to sound reasonable. We know it must be true because 2/3 or for you statisticians ... 66 2/3% of the U.S. population are either obese or just plain fat or otherwise overweight. Combine that with are desire to be pompous and self righteous, topped off with our vast overspending on medical care and Americans do not live as long as the Japanese, Swiss, the Australians, Canadians, French, Italians, Germans, Norwegians and the Brits. Why we barely live longer than the Panamanians. Now it is clear that must certainly take better care of ourselves than the French and Italians and the Brits ... well we outspend them so why shouldn't we live longer.
But that is not the point, except that how are the 1/3 who are not overweight and all those anorexic teens going to feel? Remember your grade point. Yes, way back when life was simple and you knew where you stood because at the end of sixteen weeks someone gave you a grade so you knew exactly how much you had not studied. Remember all those living room lectures about pulling your grade point up? Well, think about it. If you fool around for three of the four years you are in high school or college, what must your grade point be in your senior year to give you a nice 3.5 for graduation? So, how must those 1/3 feel? Look at the effort they must undertake to bring the average up to a respectable 10th place. How can 10th place be respectable unless you really need to build your self esteem. Do they only get to live as long as the other 2/3? So, why should you starve yourself if you have the same end as the obese ... have an extra scoop of ice cream. Finally on this point, those obnoxious people drinking diet soda which is only dirty water, eating their no calories artificially flavored soy ... they are so rude, pompous and so full of themselves that it would not be fair if they lived longer.
Is there a point here? Yes, I think so.
Scientists have decided that there are no more big issues to solve so they been studying whether or not your DNA fixes your destiny. Are you predisposed based upon the genes that your parents dumped on you to be say obnoxious or shy or rude or to say silly things at dinner parties ... is it your grandparents fault that you interrupt other peoples conversations to point out the silly position they are taking on important issues? Well after exhaustive tests ... scientists who received large government grants to figure this out have created tests running over several years and meetings in exotic places like Omaha and Boise ... yes your DNA forces you to be who you will be.
Except. I was going to say "but" because that is the normal featured word here but we will use "except". Seems there is another group who got money more large amounts from the government, yes the same government that is currently $11 Trillion in debt. These science types after many tests and blind studies and their own exotic meeting in Des Moines and Buffalo, that you can overcome your DNA by hard work and determination and depending upon who you hang out with at the water cooler or the bowling alley. There is hope that you can overcome the legacy your parents stuck you with if you are determined.
So who is right in this DNA or environment argument? Your right and your right.
If you want to know the answer ... have children. As they are growing up, your spouse will point out where your DNA is screwing up your children because they are taking after all your dumb habits. If they are now brilliant, hard working then of course her environmental efforts to provide them with a positive role model and the correct ecosystem have saved the day. As you child does things that unfortunately remind you of your bad habits ... go out and find them hard working industrious friends.
The big question ... since this question was answered clearly maybe three four thousand years ago. Yaakov became a hard working industrious leader of a nation while his twin brother Esau went out and became a bum with a dozen sons heading many nations. One book smart, one a hunter ... same parents ... different kids.
Why are we wasting money when there are real problems to solve and besides what will you do with the information once you learn that it is both DNA and environment?
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Sitting on a very comfortable chair, it would be hard to get up ... if there was reason. Not much reason, the chair is a perfect reading chair, allows your feet to be up, can lean back but not so far that you would fall asleep, although you have been known to doze for an extended period on this particular chair. The book is better than good. You have read this author before and his previous books were hard to put it down. This one is starting out just as good. He writes a real pager turner. Why would you have to get off the chair when right there within a easy reach is a glass of scotch, your favorite. Who could ask for more.
All this is nice except for one small ever so small draw back. You know that you are the last man on Earth. Now this is not like your the last sane man or the last comic standing or the last Democrat or the last Republican or the last Jew. No you are the last man on Earth. You have done the research and its true.
Knock ... knock ... there is a knock at the door.
Can't be ... you are the last man on earth, must be the wind or your imagination.
Knock ... knock.
It was a knock. You heard it. It was a knock. You know what a knock sounds like. You are not so old or long alone that you can not remember what a knock sounds like. It was a knock.
So, you get up ... slow at first and then a little faster ... but with caution. You are certainly nervous being as you are the last man on earth.
Your hand goes to the door handle. Turning the knob, the door is opened ... mmm ... no one is there. Stepping outside ... maybe the knocker walked away just going from house to house knocking ... looking. So, you walk out of the yard ... go through the gate. Looking up and down the road. No one. No sign of life in either direction. Walk to the corner, its only two houses away, down the side streets ... no movement, no knocker. You stand there for a moment ... two moments ... five moments. No one.
You head back for that comfortable chair and the scotch and the book. It was your imagination. Forget it, you are the last man on earth.
Wait, there is a note taped to your door. It was not there before. You didn't leave it there to remind yourself to take out the garbage. Reaching for the note there is nervousness, your throat goes a little dry, your hand shakes ever so as it reaches the note.
Open it fool ... it could be life changing.
You open it and read ... being the last man on Earth.
The note is written clearly, large print, hand written ... you know the hand writing.
REMEMBER TO PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN ... the note reads ... YOU MAY BE THE LAST MAN ON EARTH BUT THE TOILET SEAT MUST BE LEFT DOWN WHEN YOUR DONE!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
TEXAS PASTOR TO ISSUE 7-DAY SEX CHALLENGE
Associated Press ... Wednesday, November 12, 2008
DALLAS — The pastor of a megachurch says he will challenge married congregants during his sermon Sunday to have sex for seven straight days — and he plans to practice what he preaches. “We’re going to give it a try,” said the Rev. Ed Young, who has four children with his wife of 26 years.
Young, 47, said he believes society promotes promiscuity and he wants to reclaim sex for married couples. Sex should be a nurturing, spiritual act that strengthens marriages, he said. “God says sex should be between a married man and a woman,” Young said. “I think it’s one of the greatest things you can do for your kids because so goes the marriage, so goes the family.”
Young said he will deliver his seven-day sex challenge while sitting on a bed in front of his Dallas-area church campus.
He is founder of the nondenominational Fellowship Church, which draws about 20,000 people each Sunday and also has campuses in Fort Worth, Plano and Miami.
LOVE HANDLES RAISE THE DEATH RISK
Carrying extra fat around your middle dramatically increases your risk of early death, even if your overall weight is normal, say researchers.
A study of almost 360,000 people from nine European countries found waist size a "powerful indicator" of risk. Each extra 2ins (5cm) raised the chance of early death by between 13% and 17%.
The New England Journal of Medicine study stressed GPs should regularly measure patients' waists as a cheap and easy way to assess health. It costs virtually nothing to measure your hip and waist size
Professor Elio Riboli of the Imperial College London said ... The link between waist fat and health problems has been established for some time, but the sheer size of the study gives scientists a far more accurate picture.
The researchers, including some from Imperial College London, followed the volunteers, who were an average of 51 years old at the start of the study, for the next 10 years, during which time 14,723 of them died.
The standard measure of obesity, body mass index (BMI) remained a reasonable predictor of health problems, with those with a high reading more likely to die from cardiovascular disease or cancer.
However, the 'hip/waist ratio', a number produced by dividing the waist size by the hip measurement, and just the waist measurement on its own, were both good ways of sorting out those at highest risk.
So the bottom line ... if your married and only if you are married ... and well you know what I mean .... read my lips ... you should have as much sex as they had on Sex In The City and they do on Californication in fact it is well documented in my mind that married sex can cure most ailments ... but when your making love ... remember not get a handle ... no handles on your love ... because that could reduce the time you have for making love ... make love not handles ...
Imagine ... the above reporters could have been writing about Sarah Palin at the Governors conference looking forward to 2012 ... sex yes ... 2012 no.
I begged ...I prayed ... I wrote on and on ... I spoke with any number of people ... some would even actually listen and many who would have rather that I shut up but it did not change the situation. My prayers were not heard. The pain has not stopped. Each morning I wake up ... I look at the online news ... and its still there ... it will not go away ... what is the matter with people? Does
There is some imagination out there ... maybe not great writing ... no Aaron Sorkin but some imagination nonetheless. We now have a TV program to replace X-Files and Buffy the Vampire Slayer if only something to replace Stargate and Star Trek and Twilight Zone and Outer Limits .... so we have Fringe and True Blood. A program about the science beyond science ... imagine that you science is the Lord folks there is science beyond your peanut imaginations ... even had an episode about communicating with the recently dead, seems you can actually talk to a dead person up to six hours after they are dead. Dead is not dead anymore, but its a program for me. Then there is True Blood, synthetic blood for sale at your local liquor store ... who said single malt was the top of the heap ... so vampires can come out of the closet and demand equal rights. Now of course you flaming liberals ... and you know who you are, so proud now that you are in power ... please don't blow it and give money to GM, Ford and Chrysler so they can build more pick-up trucks .... some would say this program is just a cover story for gays coming out ... I will tell you that comparing gays and vampires not only stretches the mind farther than play dough or a slinky could ever go but some would say its an insult to one of those groups ... it is doing well. So, there are some people with imagination. (this has been a paid advertisement .. well I would like it be paid ... to the producers of these enlightened shows ... I am waiting for your check).
So what is the problem with the rest of you?
Ten days ago we had the culminating party for twenty four months of non stop presidential campaigning. Too many primaries and caucuses, too many debates, too many television commercials, too many news programs dedicated to the color of tie or who can text faster or who even knew what texting was or the dress being worn ... just too much. The baseball season which goes on forever is not even this long. Alas, I thought for a brief moment ... a nano micro second ... a blink of the eye ... that the campaign story was over for a little while. I mean let the president elect become the president before someone begins campaigning for the job. I mean the next presidential election is not for four ... count them ... four ... say it out loud ... four ... look at your fingers and put the number up in the air .... four ... repeat it that number of times ... four ... write it on a sheet of paper in big print ... four ... type it on your computer in 48 point font ... four .... correct it will be four years until the next election.
It would be nice to allow the new president some time to actually govern before he has to begin running again. It is said that it that it takes a new administration almost a year to appoint and have approved all of the political appointees to run the government. So, take away one year ... the last year is devoted to getting re-elected ... take away another year. You are left with at most two years of governing.
Sarah Palin ... like her or not has already begun running for the 2012 presidential nomination. During eights weeks of being the Republican nominee for vice-president she had one debate and five press conferences or direct meetings with a journalist. Yes, Katie Couric is a journalist even if she can not write. Since the fateful Tuesday where she and her running mate got their butt handed to them, she has given 96 interviews with reporters. Count them ... 96 in 9 days. At this rate by November 2012 she will have given 14,000 interviews. She will be searching out bloggers like me with a readership of 6 to give an interview.
As an aside because that might have caught your attention in the midst of numbers, yes I think I might have 6 readers. Seems I got a "nice job" from a second non family member and this one may even be a real person. Who would have thought that I could get to 6? Who knows might even get to double digits in the next two years! Sarah, I will be ready for your interview soon.
Is Sarah worried that she could go the way of John Edwards, Lloyd Bensten, Thomas Eagleton or Sargent Shriver? Go look them up ... history is crucial or did you forget so quickly. Sarah should particularly remember Senator Eagleton ... there may be some real common points. Does she think that Tina Fey will forget her?
It is the fault of the press of course. It is always the press' fault you say. The press corp has the attention span of a mosquito ... no offense to the mosquitoes out there ... because the public has a shorter attention span. We need to keep looking past the here and now to the next exciting thought or the hope that despite this current morbid thought the next one will be better, more exciting, more fascinating ... but alas ... we settle for the lowest common denominator for our leaders and television shows ... potential leaders ... men who sell their soles and principles for nominations ... a man who could not have invented the Internet because he did not even know it was there ... parties who nominate a man with -0- experience who campaign of the concept of change alone as if change is automatically a good thing unless of course you are running after eight years of W and then I guess any change would appear to be a good thing but change to what? A man whose campaign was so far to the left Ralph Nadar did not have room to move ... and whose campaign is now being characterized as in the "center". Attention span issues.
So, I am begging for a moratorium of 24 to 30 months before the press can write a "2012" story. Write to your newspaper and beg them for articles on something else ... please I am begging you!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
This is sad ... not really funny ... if you have an answer how to solve the problem ... please educate a friend ...
How much history do you know? Can you remember what you ate for breakfast yesterday? How about three weeks ago Tuesday? Where were you on September 10, 2001? Correct ... not the tragic 9/11/01 but the day before ... where were you? Who was the opponent candidate against John F. Kennedy? Who ran against Truman? What war came before World War I? What was the first series where Clint Eastwood appeared on a regular basis?
Simple questions ... not hard if you know some history.
I am not talking about knowing the lines of every Simpson episode or every Kevin Smith movie. This task can be accomplish by people with the ability to count cards or look at a pile of paper clips and tell you the exact number.
While recently discussing the recent election, with a person of some considerable knowledge. We spoke about religion and candidates of a particular religion running for presidency. He could not remember where he was when Kennedy was shot, nor could he remember where is was when Neil Armstrong landed on the moon ... he was not even a idea for his parents.
We spoke about blacks in political office ... a very current topic. He was not aware that with Obama winning the election ... you remember that election ... well depending upon the Illinois Governor ... there will be -0- black senators. Yes, with all the jubilation about breaking glass ceilings ... the Senate is substantially a white male club with a few women thrown in just to make the place smell better. Yes, Barbara Boxer and Diane Feinstein are window dressing.
We spoke about how this is Christian country except if your Catholic. Seems a Catholic running for president is a problem for some people. So skipping over that John Kerry character, we talked about JFK and how he faced the abortion issue. I could not remember if it was even an issue but then I was in sixth grade. I mentioned that JFK was not the first Catholic to run for the high office of president. I said there was Al Smith.
Who is Al Smith?
He was the Democratic presidential candidate in 1928 and lost to Herbert Hoover, tried for the nomination in 1932 but lost that to his protégé FDR, as a Democrat mad at FDR he went on to support Republican Alf Landon in 1936 and Wendell Wilkie in1940. Al was a devout Catholic and could not get elected because in part he was Catholic.
How can you not know who Al Smith was?
History is important ... why not take some time out of watching YouTube videos and read some history.
Friday, November 7, 2008
So sorry but I am what I am.
Oh, I do not really apologize because that would presume I did not really intend to write so long.
I am not one of those sports fanatics that takes fifteen minutes every half hour to check what is new on ESPN. Only recently have I begun to understand the fascination with fantasy sports.
Fantasy sports are there for the individuals who have (1) a need for a regular infusion of sports information, (2) dream of what might be if they were only in charge, (3) can not understand that what they are watching is "team sports" ... your receiver gets points for catching a a pass without regard to the quarterback throwing the ball or the other receivers taking defenders off your back or the running back without honor to the line front opening the holes to make him look good, you do choose an entire defense so I guess fantasy people are not total fools. Now baseball fantasy is a little better as far as giving credit for hitting but that is about it. Basketball fantasy only enhances the problem with basketball in that it has become a one-on-one sport and moved away from the "team concept" except of course if you want to win championships ... sorry Kobe and LeBron ... you need help.
Well, what was the issue?
Oh yeah, in yesterday's Florida Sun Sentinel sports section, the banner headline was "Dolphin Analysis - MidSeason Report". Now for those of you who can not remember last year, I understand your attention span and memory capacity is ... well it is but of course you do remember every sports statistic for the past two seasons ... the Dolphins went 1-15. Nothing to say, they sucked the onion. Well, what makes sports so wonderful is that after the Super Bowl that was ancient history except for sports writers and people who spend their entire life living in the past. Every article about the Dolphins begins with "as compared to last year".
Now a sidebar ... this year's team has a new coaching staff, new quarterback and of the 45 men on the active roster ... around 35 of them were not here last year. So, what does your analysis tell you about that? Simple, this is not last year's team and any comparison is ... well worthless, meaningless and a waste of time and yet ... it is in every article.
So, yesterday's story. It works best if I quote the opening to show that I am not making it up.
"The Dolphins' renovation project is right on track, according to General Manager Jeff Ireland. "This whole staff, this regime, we're used to winning, and we really don't accept anything less than that", Ireland said. "It's what we want to live by." The Dolphins are on the upswing after two straight victories, though the overall performance has been inconsistent. Still, there are plenty of signs that the Dolphins are headed in the right direction. "
I am concerned about the Dolphins following the AZ rules of proper fan conduct. You can only be a fan of the team in your home town. So, yes I still root and cry for Green Bay, I still get excited about the Celtics (I adopted them as my basketball team back in the stone age of high school because Chicago did not have a team) and I still hate the Bears (but as I have said Hashem got his revenge on that issue).
Fact: The Dolphins are 4-4 so far. One of their wins can be directly attributed to using college offensive tactics which confused the NFL tacticians and players because they thought that was against the rules. I mean who would think that after playing college for four years that any of it would be relevant when you turned pro. But, now its not a surprise any more so it is a non factor.
What is my point? Yes, what was my point?
How do you tell that a renovation project is on track? I guess it depends on how much track you need to lay before you can tell you are going in the right direction. Eight games? I guess if compared to last year you are now three wins ahead ... progress - check.
"We're used to winning"? You lost your two opening games, won two in a row, lost two in a row and now have won the last two. How are you used to winning any more than you are used to loosing ... you are 4-4 and seem to be capable of strings of 2 in either direction.
"we really don't accept anything less than that" ... I guess if your being paid millions of dollars to play that there might not be any other option than winning if you want to continue to collect your millions. If you really believed that winning was the only result acceptable you would pay your players on a contingency basis. Base salary, $200,000 ... winning season ... $1,000,000, play-off berth ... $2,500,000 ... Super Bowl ... $4,000,000. Team sport ... live or die by the team. Okay, we will throw in some individual performance bonuses but they will be more than "did you show up on time for the game".
"there are plenty of signs that the Dolphins are headed in the right direction." ... yes we changed out 80% of the team ... that allowed for a change of direction ... they have a quarterback with limited ability who can throw the ball to a receiver who has the potential to catch the ball, the coaching staff can think out of the box at least once, they have increased their wins by 300% ...
I guess the bottom line is that when you actually read the sports section, sports writers do have an advantage over political writers ... each week the sports guys give their team a written grade. Rarely does the political pages give their targets a written grade and when they do it based more on opinion than fact. You are supposed to be reporting the facts on politics but sports you are supposed to give opinion.
I was thinking of creating a new fantasy sport ... POLITICS THE FANTASY ... draft your legislators (you can not draft the President).
You will get points for
- committee appointments, more points for chairing a meeting less but some for attending, bonus points for staying awake, more points if it is a full committee, less if it is a subcommittee, points depending upon the prestige of the witness called,
- bills sponsored, extra points if it actually becomes a law bonus points if it gets vetoed and extra points if you can get the veto overridden
- appearances on the weekly news channels, more points for national less for local, points for where in the newspaper or magazine your name appears, more points if you are quoted than if you are only mentioned,
- points for op-ed pieces again more points for national less for local,
- points for writing another autobiography depending upon where it ends up on the best seller list,
- points for appearances on the Daily Show or the Colbert Report,
- bonus points for writing a non fiction book,
- points for appearing on a normal TV show more if it is a top ten series, more if it is 24 or Heroes but the most points for Prison Break (especially if it is your prison break that is the subject of the episode) or Lost.
The Draft will take place soon.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Well, many people think so ... just look what people were saying on the radio this morning, Obama will be the president, how will things change?
Girl: I will be able to afford to go to college because it will now be less expense ... my tuition will go down and books will be free.
Middle Age Man: my heath care costs will go down ... I will be able to go to any doctor and get service and the doctor will pay me for coming in ... and smile.
Man: I will be able to make a living and keep more of my money because the tax cuts will not only reduce my taxes, maybe even eliminate them but I will get money back.
Woman: the wars will be over soon and the troops be home to help hunt for the Easter eggs ... there will be world peace and harmony ... the lion shall lie down with the lamb and the meal will not be lamb chops.
Gay Fellow ( he said so, it was not his speech pattern ) ... gays will be allowed to marry, inherit, visit in the hospital, get social security benefits and more ... except of course in California or Florida and all the other states that ban gay marriage and gay rights but that's okay I live in Massachusetts.
Young Man: life will be better, change is here.
Young Girl: the sun is gonna come out tomorrow.
Now I do not want to be a naysayer but lets throw some cold water on the euphoria.
On election day, in anticipation of the Obama win ... the Dow went up around 270, the day after the wonderful, historic event ... the market went down 280 points on Wednesday and last night was down almost 500 points in Wednesday night in overnight trading. I guess the markets are done celebrating this historic win and are now moving on the reality part of our show.
Yesterday, South Korea's stock market closed down 7.6%, Japan closed down 5.6% and other Asian markets out there were running for the hills. So much for the warm thoughts the world has for the new president.
Obama has begun to name, or leak, his new potential official advisors and maybe cabinet people. The candidate of CHANGE ... lets see
Rahm Emanuel formerly of the Clinton administration where he was affectionately known as "the Hammer" because he was effective at ramming his ideas down the throats of both his friends and enemies. Did I use the word "enemies" when talking about the future administration of CHANGE and HOPE and GOODWILL. Well Rahm said in an interview, "its my way or the highway and winning is the only thing, so vote my way or get out of my way".
Treasury, a place which certainly needs new ideas and real leadership. How about Robert Rubin formerly of the Clinton Administration or maybe Lawrence Summers formerly of the Clinton Administration. Good to have new faces. The plan to solve our current economic crisis? Well, an idea being floated is that the technology sector is about to take off and go through the roof. Amazon is said to be going from $20 a share to $450 a share, Intel is set to go through the ceiling on the potential of a new chip they have not begun working on, twenty new companies are expected to make initial public offerings with no product, no business plan but they are technology companies so don't worry. Yes, the plan will be to replace the housing bubble with a new and improved technology bubble ... it worked to make the Clinton team look like geniuses so why shouldn't it work for Obama.
Defense: Obama could not stand the surge, could not say publicly that it worked ( oh it worked, so he will able to draw down the troops ) so he will keep the man who planned the surge, Robert Gates ... Secretary Gates you keep your job.
Secretary of State: a leading candidate is the smooth talking John F. Kerry because he demonstrated to the American public that he has a total grasp of the issues facing America
National Security Advisor: Dennis Ross, former Jimmy Carter staffer. Yes, Dennis was very good at giving solid advice after he was out of office. In fact, after Jimmy Carter wrote his made up history memoir of life as he wished it would have been, Dennis was kind enough to write the rebuttal presenting his memories as he wished they had been ... with him objecting during the process instead of afterwards.
So, CHANGE will be brought to you by former Clinton and Carter staffers ... imagine you objected to Hillary!
But don't worry ... CHANGE will come because Congress is now oh so more Democratic and they are the party of forgiveness and openness and the umbrella party. NOT, the Democratic leaders have been running around, waving bottles of champagne telling anyone that will listen ... we are going to have it our way ... damn the Red States ... damn the Republicans.
The Republican Party is the party of, or is supposed to be, the party of less government when it comes to finance, business, less regulation, strong defense particularly against countries that pose no direct threat, make friends with dictators and screw the global ... but I will watch closely what you are doing in your bedroom.
The Democrats, on the other hand, definitely want to stay out of your bedroom, you should be able to screw whoever you want ... because then we can stifle growth, innovation, we can regulate to our hearts content, to mandate public behaviour so the people will behave properly, we will promote policies that will ensure that public education will continue its downward spiral, business will continue to move jobs out of America to avoid the amazing mass of regulations to save the spotted tig, you know there are only 4 of them left and since we do not know where they are we need to save all the potential sights they might inhabit and of course we need to eliminate coal and oil as fuel sources ... coal because it supplies more than 50% of the electricity in America and oil .,, well who needs to drive a car. But don't worry the unproven, tens of years away alternative energy sources should be funded with billions and billions of dollars of subsidies because no good idea ever came about without billions and billions of dollars of Federal subsidies. And I could go on and on.
So, President-Elect Obama ... we wish you well as you staff your CHANGE team with former Clinton and Carter people and attempt to work with the Democratic Congress that took the agenda of moderate Clinton and outsider Carter to a pulp. You on other hand have never objected to what the Democratic leadership proposed and certainly in your campaign you never pointed out how your policies would differ from Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, or Henry Waxman ... so of course your life will be simple ... all you have to turn your vague trust me statements into actual productive policies. Well, you got two months to get ready.
Reported comments by President-Elect Obama right before his historic speech Tuesday night, after he was informed that Senator McCain had conceded ...
Oh, my God, I am going to be the next President of the United States of America ... Oh, shit, I am going to be the next President of the United States of America!
Here then is how one CPA believes the client / Accountant relationship should work:
1. CLIENTS SHOULD PROJECT A FRIENDLY, POSITIVE ATTITUDE AT ALL TIMES.
Your tax advisor has chosen an extremely stressful and depressing profession filled with constant phone interruptions, changing tax rules, impossible dead lines and unending information requests from the IRS. He or she simply cannot cope with the prospect of your being depressed as well.
2. WHEN MEETING WITH YOUR TAX ADVISOR - DO NOT MAKE ANY SUDDEN OR UNEXPECTED MOVEMENTS.
Your tax advisor consumes life-threatening quantities of caffeine on a daily basis to meet the various due dates of federal and state taxing authorities. Sudden movements may lead to sensory overload and cardiac arrest. If you desire to reward your tax advisor for sacrificing his health in order to complete your tax return at 3AM on a Sunday, gifts of coffee (or in my case Mountain Dew) may be accepted in lieu of actual cash payment.
3. DO NOT EXPECT YOUR TAX ADVISOR TO BE SYMPATHETIC WITH YOUR PROBLEM.
Your tax advisor's ethical code of conduct requires him to be objective and independent. Clients often mistake this devout professionalism as the heartless inability to connect with fellow human beings at any level beyond their base financial desire to collect fees. This is simply an urban legend. Tax advisors have been known to acquire mates and in at least three cases on the west coast have even procreated.
4. DO NOT COMPLAIN IF YOUR TAX ADVISOR'S ADVICE LOSES YOU MONEY.
You must appreciate that tax regulations are mind-bendingly complex and an occasional unpleasant result is only to be expected. Clients do not think rationally during a time of financial loss. Now is not the time to assign blame for your financial calamity but rather to engage your tax advisor for additional tax and financial planning.
5. DO NOT ASK YOUR TAX ADVISOR TO EXPLAIN WHAT HE'S DOING OR WHY.
Unfortunately, the inherent complexity involved in tax regulations cannot be translated into any comprehensible form using the English language. Any attempt to force your tax advisor to explain his actions may lead to cardiac arrest (Please refer to item number 2 above – sensory overload). Endeavor to
develop a deep, abiding respect in your advisor’s abilities, confident in the knowledge that if his actions could be explained, you would agree whole heatedly.
6. EXPRESS FIENDISH ENTHUSIASM AT ANY NEW SERVICES OFFERED BY YOUR TAX ADVISOR.
Though the fees incurred may be substantial; enthusiastically accept all tax and financial planning services offered by your advisor. Aggressive Tax deferral and avoidance schemes are constantly coursing through your tax advisor’s caffeine enhanced brain.
7. PAY ALL YOUR TAX ADVISOR'S BILLS PROMPTLY AND WITHOUT QUESTION.
Consider it an honor and a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the financial well-being of such a learned tax professional.
8. DO REFER NEW CLIENTS TO YOUR TAX ADVISOR.
Potential client referral sources may include parents, grand parents, children, brothers, sisters, cousins, nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles, former spouses, coworkers, neighbors, friends and anyone you may come in contact with in the normal course of your day. It is a common client misconception that adding to your already stressed tax advisors work load should be avoided. Tax advisors derive professional and personal validation through the additional fee collections.
9. IF YOUR RETURN IS SELECTED FOR AUDIT AND YOU ARE SUBSEQUENTLY JAILED FOR TAX FRAUD – DO NOT PUBLICLY IDENTIFY YOUR TAX ADVISOR.
This will only cause your tax advisor unnecessary, non-fee generating publicity.
It is my heart felt desire that the above suggestions will assist you in developing a deeper understanding of the CPA client relationship. If you have any questions or would like to discuss any of these points in greater detail, please feel free to contact me.
Its a tough life.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Now I do not want to sound like a bitter old rambling man ... of course I am not bitter. To be bitter would be to jump to the conclusion that man of my choice which yes I am willing to admit that I was not part of the 'NEW WORLD DAWNING ... THERE WILL BE HOPE FOR SOMETHING ... WE CAN ALL BE FRIENDS" era that has begun. You still got to be impressed how uncritical the press was last night. It was like they were all trying to get in there praises so they will be invited to the right inauguration party or something.
"It’s fantastic news; great for the U.S., great for the world – just an absolute milestone in history," 41-year-old Londoner Jamie Davies said as he sipped a coffee from Starbucks before heading to work. ... yes a guy drinking $4 cup of coffee is happy about Obama ... surprise ... surprise.
Lets understand this ... happy is the day it will be when George W. Bush and Dick Cheney can add the words FORMER to their titles. The world will be a better place regardless of whoever would have moved into the White House, that is clear.
We now await the reality part of our show as opposed to the foggy, "trust me" part of the show.
You know the "trust me" part that 349 electoral votes swallowed like a fine single malt scotch ... I, a black non black man from somewhere, will bring you hope and good cheer and world peace and a better, cleaner, safer, less taxing except for the rich people, smarter, nicer place ... yes those delicious words and sweet sentiments which brought us to this stage. They were tasty words considering the last eight years of gruel for words. Don't forget that the incoming man certainly understands the internet and new technology and how to con, I mean encourage, a lot of people to give $87 and be part of the wave. I mean how can a person govern if they can not surf the net ... hogwash.
Now comes that hard part ... turning all those vague promises into legislature. Unfortunately for the new president, he will have to work with a Democratic party that dominates Congress. The extreme liberal wing of which he is a proud member started salivating last night around 11:00 EST. The Congress is there standing clearly in front of and planning to put forth its own agenda because the intelligent agenda be dammed we will have excessive liberalness for breakfast, lunch and dinner and you will like it because this is their day.
Remember, winning an election is not the real challenge. Jimmy Carter and George W. Bush proved that. It is governing that matters. Last night was historic but history is a funny thing. Six months from now the first black historic president will actually have to steer the ship. Please Lord help him and protect us from Congress.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
ScienceDaily (Oct. 20, 2008) — Simply installing toilets where needed throughout the world and ensuring safe water supplies would do more to end crippling poverty and improve world health than any other possible measure, according to an analysis released by the United Nations University. ( imagine if you will that there is a United Nations University ... who goes there?)
The analysis says better water and sanitation reduces poverty in three ways.
- New service business opportunities are created for local entrepreneurs;
- Significant savings are achieved in the public health sector; and
- Individual productivity is greater in contributing to local and national economies.
Oct 22, 2008 04:30 AM
Emily Mathieu Staff Reporter
Toronto may well be poised for a toilet revolution. And Ari Grief, a Toronto filmmaker, activist and founder of the Canadian Toilet Organization, wants to lead the charge (its probably not a surprise to some of you that Canada has a Toilet Organization ... what is a surprise is that you don't have one in your home town).
"Unfortunately, as a society we've become used to using poor public toilet facilities," says Grief, "... so if there is anybody interested in a toilet revolution in Toronto, (no toilet without representation ... free the toilet 7) contact us."
Yesterday marked a significant step in bringing the battle for clean and accessible public toilets closer to home, with the official launch of the CTO. The launch took place at the United Nations University's International Network on Water, Environment and Health site at McMaster University in Hamilton.
This year is the International Year of Sanitation and UNU is hosting talks from top sanitation experts from around the world.
But Toronto's toilets aren't being left out (where are they being left out ... is Toronto now putting there toilets on main street or in public parks out in the open?) . Today and tomorrow Grief will be taking Jack Sim, founder of the World Toilet Organization, around the GTA to check out our latest toilet technology. Sim was recently honoured as a Time Magazine Hero of the Environment.
Their first stop will be Toronto design company Cooler Solutions, a leader in sustainable design toilets. Their toilet can hold seven to 10 days of waste. When full, part of it can be removed and pushed into the ground, to mix the waste with soil and bury it for decomposition.
"Without a proper system, people will defecate anywhere and that contaminates water," said Jonathan Loudon, co-founder and managing partner of Cooler Solutions, who says there has been a lot of interest in the design for their toilet, but the company still needs a manufacturer. The meeting with Grief and Sim is to try to find ways to move the project forward, said Loudon.
Grief will also be taking Sim to Veritec Consulting Inc. in Mississauga to chat with William Gauley, a toilet efficiency expert. And tomorrow they will head to Guelph Civic Museum to see an exhibit called "Sitting Pretty: The History of the Toilet." The McMaster Museum of Art also has an exhibit running over the next two weeks called "Sanitation is Dignity."
The lack of public toilets in Toronto has become a regular news item. Councillor Howard Moscoe has been fighting to force large stores to offer customers access to a washroom.
"In Toronto we have an aging population and when a Shoppers Drug Mart says `You can't use our washroom because it's against our policy,' it's pretty infuriating," said Moscoe.
Toronto plans to install self-cleaning public toilets as well (what is a self cleaning toilet? Does it come with an automatic wiper? Is it gentle or firm? Is that an option? Does it use Charmin or a generic one ply?). The first one is scheduled to be installed next year, then two will be installed each year after that for a total of 20. (20 self cleaning toilets for all of Torontoin the next ten years ... what a city of progress!) The exact location of the toilets has not been determined.
"The fact that after use it closes (and) fully sanitizes itself is really appealing (but before it closes and fully santizes itself it ... it is kinda crappy)," said Kyp Perikleous, manager of the street furniture unit for the City of Toronto.
His goal is to push for more efficient commodes designed with sustainability in mind. "It's absurd that with worldwide water shortages that we flush drinking water down the toilet."
"We want to get people thinking about it, talking about it and realizing it's kind of unacceptable for women to have to squat in a public toilet."Analysis:
This is a crisis on so many levels it boggles the mind and of course a boggled mind is not a pretty thing especially at my age. The fact that our news outlets have let this election thing get in the way of reporting on this major international crisis that may swamp our world is insane. Do you realize that solving this problem would could cure world poverty and all we have to do is provide proper flush toilets to the world? Do you realize that Canada is making women squat in public? Do you realize that flush toilets are the prime root of our global water shortage problem? It is scary.
I propose a number of solutions.
One: boycott Canada and especially Toronto. If they can not provide nice toilets and protect women from squatting in public ... well then they are not a civilized nation and should be treated as such.
Two: We need to elevate international awareness of this flush toilet deficiency. I propose that the incoming president, whomever they are, to create a cabinet level post of Secretary of The Toilet. This new position could then work on promoting a uniform guide to flushing and if time permits a standard for the amount of toilet paper one should use when cleaning up. The Democratic Congress, in all its liberalness, could establish mandatory minimums for number of sheets, amount of time for hand washing, how many hand towels allowable or whether hand towels should be outlawed and only blow dryers would be authorized.
Third: To demonstrate our concern, I propose a "do not flush day", yes for one twenty four hour period no one flushes their toilet and then at the same moment ... everyone across the country ... flush. The impact will send a clear message ... (write your own thoughts).
Reminder: This is The International Year of Sanitation, there is a World Toilet Organization, someone in the basement of Time Magazine established a Hero of the Environment, of course we all want a toilet that can hold 7 to 10 days of waste and Canada has a Canadian Toilet Organization. And as one of those guys said above ... consider this when you are flushing next time that you are flushing your drinking water down the toilet. He said "It's absurd that with worldwide water shortages that we flush drinking water down the toilet."... instead have your plumber come and reroute your toilet water to your kitchen sink so you can drink your toilet water ... and conserve ... you are a liberal, recycler, conservationist, Democrat aren't you.
Stop worrying about those things you thought were a crisis like: AIDS in Africa, droughts around the world, global warming, the financial meltdown, the fact that you either can not afford a home or if you have one to pay your mortgage, a Democratic Congress, this is the last season of ER and other things you thought were a disaster and start concentrating on the real issue ... the lack of flush toilets. Send a flush toilet to Africa, send a toilet to South America, send a toilet to the poor rural America, send a toilet to Detroit to help with unemployment and the crappy cars they design ... ha ha ... thats a pun I think.
Open your window and shout it out ... I mad as hell and I am going to flush till I am heard.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Well, this a mental game that some of you may also have have engaged in. Imagine if you will ... you win the lottery and it some real money multi multi millions maybe $100 million, a billion, five billion or maybe even more. How would you handle it? I go through the gifts to charity, gifts to family, endowments, what to buy, how to transition to living off the investments. Who gets how much, and how would you space the gifts out. How do you deal with the people who don't get any money ... so many problems, so many decisions.
This is a game I have played for some time. The level of money has changed over time. At one time, it was $10 million, then $100 million, now maybe a $1 Billion and maybe more. Inflation ... its a bitch.
I mean how would you spend or deal with unlimited money? Take some time, maybe since your new at this write it down. Its a lot of money so discuss it with a spouse, spouse to be, girl friend or just the other guy at the bar. Are you selfish? Are you concerned about family? Are you interested in a special cause?
So, I buy lottery tickets when the level is high enough because only winning a million or three ... well it does not allow for the accomplishment of that long imagined list of goals.
But now I have come up with a new scheme, I am considering selling my soul. How much should a soul go for? Does it depend upon how many years left till it is redeemable? Does an extended warranty come with the deal? Can you request other options like to live to 120 or longer? Can you ask for good health as a addendum?
Where do you go to offer your soul for sale? Wal-Mart sells everything ... do they have a soul department that they need to buy new stock? I mean everyone knows Wal-Mart is the devil. Does this writing present a valid offer? Should I add all of the conditions of the sale? Could I ask for some or all of the super powers demonstrated on Heroes plus money? Of if I can pick only certain powers which ones or the only one ... which should it be?
I looked in the phone book under attorneys and there was not one advertising "want to sell your soul ... let us help you write the contract, make the offer and close the deal". I mean if an attorney does not know how to deal with the devil who would?
Does anyone out there have any insight or contacts?
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Wikepedia says ... Day of the Dead (Día de los Muertos in Spanish) is a holiday celebrated mainly in Mexico and by people of Mexican heritage (and others) living in the United States and Canada. The holiday focuses on gatherings of family and friends to pray for and remember friends and relatives who have died. The celebration occurs on the 1st and 2nd of November, in connection with the Catholic holy days of All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day which take place on those days. Traditions include building private altars honoring the deceased, using sugar skulls, marigolds, and the favorite foods and beverages of the departed, and visiting graves with these as gifts.
The normal election process brings out the best of Halloween ... before Halloween or running for a major upgrade of position are one person ... normally. Come Halloween ... on comes the costume ... post Election Day ... off comes the costume ... maybe ... in between the Day of the Dead.
I know your going ... there he goes right over the edge. He has left the known solar system and is on his way to Never Never Land.
Well, consider ... one candidate at a time. Before Halloween,
John McCain ... before ... he is against everything the current administration stands for. He voted against the major tax cuts because they were disproportionate to the wealthy, he voted against drilling in ANWAR, he promoted a bill to deal positively with the immigration problem, he has worked effectively with members of the Democratic party to produce Campaign Finance reform. He was attacked by the Right Wing as a false hero of Viet Nam. He speaks well in small groups. A disciple of Alan Greenspan moving for financial deregulation, a common belief of true Republicans. An angry argumentative man whose victims stand up for him as a man of Honor whose only goal is what is best for America.
Along comes Halloween, McCain forgets that his military career also included crashing seven planes, wild partying, being 894 out of 898 at West Point where he graduates only by the grace of daddy and granddaddy, hires the people who Swift Boated him, swears by tax cuts he voted against, sings the "drill baby drill" mantra, picks a Vice President whose primary contribution is to prove the far Right, the same people who do not like him, that he is really an okay Right Wing. All of sudden he can not speak coherently.
Post Election Day ... if elected which John McCain will we get?
Barack Obama ... before ... he was a man looking for the correct place to be to further his political campaign ... join the right church and either not hear or ignore the Reverend Wright's message, take campaign contributions from a disreputable individual but the money brings more money and an ability to push his campaign ... thank you Tony Rezko, toasts a known supporter of Arab terrorists, associates for 20 years a man who promotes the bringing down of the government, produces no meaningful legislation while a Illinois representative, has zero meetings of his Senatorial sub committee, routinely votes "present" to avoid taking a position for or against an issue.
Wikepedia: Antoin "Tony" Rezko (born 1955) is an American political fundraiser, restaurateur, and real estate developer in Chicago, Illinois, convicted on several counts of fraudbribery in 2008. Rezko has been involved in fundraising for local Illinois Democratic and Republican politicians since the 1980s. After becoming a major contributor to Rod Blagojevich's successful gubernatorial election, Rezko assisted Blagojevich in setting up the state's first Democratic administration in twenty years. Rezko was able to have business associates appointed onto several state boards. Rezko and several others were indicted on federal charges in October 2006, for using their connections to the state boards to demand kickbacks from businesses that wanted to do business with the state. While the others pleaded guilty to the charges, Rezko pleaded not guilty and was found guilty of 16 of the 24 charges filed against him.
Now comes the campaign - Halloween ... he will bring change, he will bring hope, believe in me and I will take us to a place where all life will be good. He speaks well. Tells us he can deliver and we believe it.
Day of the Dead (remember all those little things they want to go away ) ... McCain picks Palin, stops his campaign to save to save the financial crisis only nobody wants him at the party, and among other things forgets how to deliver the message. Obama has his birth certificate and first year college records sealed, tells a private group that middle America finds solace in guns and religion, Reverend Wright ... in 20 years never heard him say or anyone else say he was negative on America, Tony ... just a nice guy I meant a couple of times. Look at the all the nice laws other Senate committees produced, aren't I wonderful. He tells us he is above that nasty political scene where special interests dwell and yet takes hundreds of thousands of from special interest groups. Seems to forget his background. Big promises, although they do change quietly ... delivery ... just believe.
So here comes Election Day ... who do we get ... the guy who has America's interest a heart or whats to be loved by Right Wing. Or do we get the guy who promises hope and change or his double with the ability to get nothing done and just stay way out there on the left trying to forget his past.
Remember we will mostly likely have an overwhelming Democratic Congress which will bring us between 10 and 20 small self interested sub groups but no coherent plan. The same Congress that forgets that they pushed Freddie and Fannie to give loans to unqualified people to promote goodwill and home ownership but when it went south ... forgets their part in the plan.
Either presidential candidate might be okay if the right man shows up but Congress will still be there.
Consider voting for gridlock.