Major Important Issue With Long Lasting Ramifications

While driving today, I had my almost daily discussion with myself and no it was not about the HOV lane issue ... there is more to our lives than that one issue. As a side note, without any means to prove it one way or the other I will continue to believe that I am writing to myself. So, I said to myself ... self what issue is of major pressing importance that should be vented about?

I was going to toy with myself mentally and list of a number of potential candidates for the major issue award. On the same hand I do like the mental gymnastics of toying. Today I must make it quickly clear to myself what the issue that needs to be the center of our focus. The issue we must address is this I told myself ... self, the crisis exists, at least for the next couple of news cycles, and that crisis has a name and its name is Jamie Lynn Spears.

Yes, Jamie Lynn Spears the younger sister of The New Updated Mickey Mouse Club icon Britney. In case you live on Mars, Jamie is a very cute ... careful old man ... 16 year old with her own Nickelodeon TV show. If I was any computer savvy I would drop in her picture here but alas I am just trying to conquer this whole blog typing thing. Sounds like a nice lucky girl with the world on a string sitting on a rainbow. Unfortunately or fortunately depending upon your perspective, the show is wrestling with its need to take a plot twist because Miss Jamie, age 16, is with child. Yes, the 16 year old dumb sister of Britney is going to be a mommy. Self can you imagine that the sister of Britney would be a dumb white girl?

Now, who would make a 16 year old pregnant you ask. Well you are not part of the conversation. This is between myself and I and you will have to come back later or pick your own topic. The individual who provided the sperm to generate this living entity in the formerly flat tummy of Jamie is her long time boy friend (as reported in the news releases)Casey Aldridge, age 18. Only three months ago Casey was just one of the group she hung with from time to time and was not her regular long-time boy friend. But that was before the strip from the pregnancy at home test turned blue and Casey got a promotion. So, I guess a way to get a TV star to acknowledge you as her boyfriend ... just get her pregnant. A great way to move up on the party guest list.

Now, lets see I asked myself. Legal adult has sex with a minor. Statutory Rape. Need any proof for the conviction? Well, I reminded myself about the fetus and the public statements by Miss Jamie. So slam dunk conviction. Now, for the attorneys in the crowd, the act of having sexual relations with a minor between the ages of 15-18 is only a misdemeanor if your less than three years older than her, in many states and it is consensual. I apologize for the break to bring a moment of reality into this ramble but I do have to defend me and myself from those who forget that we together can read the news stories and remember the less than fun parts. Sorry though the punishment is less, sex with a minor is a crime despite her willingness to cooperate. Alas, Casey is a white boy who made mad passionate love to a famous rich white 16 year old girl ... so no punishable crime was committed. Go directly to "GO" and collect lots of money in telling your story to the press ... how was she Casey?

So, this story which apparently is BIG news on all the major news outlets and on every one's mind constantly.

Well, I asked myself what is the crisis ... rich white girl forgets to take birth control pills which she can certainly afford, screws white boy and a fetus starts growing in little girls womb. Yes, I know its not in her tummy self, its just one of those imagine things writers say. I mean is it that big of news? I guess so ... see we are tired of the fat, drunk, poor mother Britney and besides she, Britney is now 26 and over the hill.

Look, myself said every action must have a reason other than just sex which we can all agree is fun and for the male reason enough ... but Jamie is a female so one must conclude that she is either(a) just keeping up with her competition ... that is other female actresses who are having babies and making the front cover of every print publication or (b) she is avoiding the problem of a ticking biological clock and getting pregnant early to avoid any work career timing issues that later in life could cause a problem with taking a part a problem and therefore she wanted to get this pregnancy out of the way before she is say 18 or of legal age. Myself gave himself a proud smile that he had solved the problem and in his mind resolved the crisis. Jamie's pregnancy was not an accident but a premeditated career move.

Oh silly self, you missed the obviously multiple reasons why this is newsworthy.

1. This story gives a distraction from the tedium of the excessively redundant presidential campaign with multiple candidates saying the same thing covering promises that they will not be able to deliver on.
2. It allows a breather from our potential concern about the 9,000 earmarks Congress finally got into the budget they have been working on since January which was due on the teacher's desk before October 1st.
3. The war in Iraq.
4. There is a writers strike on so there is a pressing need for TV stories that do not require much thought process.

So, self remember that this is America where we fight for democracy around the world and work aggressively at home to create the dumbest population in the world. So, don't forget to watch ... "are you dumber than a 5th grader".

Its all part of the conspiracy.